Is it Intuition or Old Programming?
We humans love to believe that our conscious minds are running our whole life show. That our thoughts are us. Meanwhile, we’re sending fiery texts from a nervous system that holds vivid knowledge of things we’ve long forgotten.
This is how we are built. It’s part of our human nature. It is not, as we would sometimes like to believe, a character flaw.
Did you know that your brain and body are constantly scanning their environment for patterns? Long before we can explain why something feels off, a deeper part of us has already connected that thing to an old experience. The tricky part is that we don’t even need a clear memory of the event for this to happen.
Do you remember the first time closeness felt dangerous? Or when conflict led to abandonment? Or when the loss of that relationship you needed so badly created a cavernous rupture? Your nervous system does. And it creates a pattern that our minds and bodies get very good at replicating.
Let’s say you meet someone kind, smart, funny, sexy… but then you suddenly lose interest. Or maybe you get an opportunity that you have waited years to land and then find a dozen “logical” reasons to turn it down. Or perhaps someone you’re interested in takes a little longer to text back and by lunchtime, you have decided that the whole damn relationship is doomed! Then here comes our conscious mind with its list of grievances and its very professional sounding explanation for what your nervous system already decided. Thanks a lot monkey mind!
We often call these reactions "intuition." Sometimes they are. Sometimes though, they are old survival strategies in disguise.
So how can we tell the difference?
Notice the quality of the message. Old programming often feels urgent and repetitive. “Get out. Fix it now. Don’t fuck up or they’ll leave.” Intuition can be strong — particularly when real danger is afoot — but it often has a cleaner quality to it. Like a sudden knowing that wasn’t there before. Notice I said, “knowing” rather than “story"? That’s because intuition gives you information without an accompanying five part miniseries on what’s happening that you just can’t see. That’s the brain talking. Really helpful right?
Ask yourself what is happening in the moment. Not what could happen. Not what happened with your ex, your mother, or the person who taught you that love is a trapdoor. What are the actual facts in front of you? If the intensity of your reaction is much bigger than the current event, history may be repeating in your nervous system and calling itself wisdom.
Do not make important decisions at the peak of your system’s activation. Eat something. Sleep. Walk. Cry. Talk it through with someone who will not just agree with everything you say (*ahem* AI). Let your body settle for a bit, then ask the question again gently. Intuition usually survives the process of self-regulation. Panic though, usually changes shape once you start applying any meaningful self-inquiry.
Next, get curious about what feels familiar. Does the choice you’re making move you toward the life you say you want, or does it return you to a pain you already know how to survive? We are not always drawn to what is good for us. Sometimes we are drawn to what our nervous system recognizes.
You needn’t distrust every feeling that arises in your body or analyze yourself into a state of paralysis. Instead maybe just create a little space between the feeling and the decision. In that space, you may discover that your past has been keeping you trapped in the exact world you wanted to much to grow out of.
Before you believe the dark story your mind is telling you, check the body that is telling it. Are you hungry? Exhausted? Overstimulated? Isolated? Overdue for basic care? Meet your body where it’s at and address that immediate need. Then decide whether the story still feels true.
5. Lastly, a return to yourself and a refusal to self abandon. After checking in with your body and mind, take a moment to return to your core self with a hand on your chest and a gentle reminder: “Whether it’s intuition or an old story that has hijacked my system, I won’t abandon any of my parts.” What does that mean? It means that any of the parts of you that might be creating nervous system havoc are likely doing so in an attempt to keep you safe. That part thinks that if you shut down to connection out of fear of rejection, it’s keeping you protected right? We don’t have to invalidate, admonish or abandon that part in order to stay present with others. Breathe into that tense spot in your body and offer thanks to that part for showing up and ask it to trust you as the adult/core self, to take all your parts safely to the other side of this just as you’ve done many times before.
Finally, make a choice to respond from your values rather than from your fears.
You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.
